As I Am
by HelikaAkileh
Summary: Three part story describing how Inuyasha interacts with Kagome as a human, demon, and his half-demon self. One way's not enough, one way is too much, and one way is just right. InuKag. Written for Inuvember 2014.
1. Ningen

Written for Inuvember 2014 on tumblr. I made my own 30 Day Challenge, and this prompt was for Human, Demon, or Half-demon Inuyasha.

**Human**

He couldn't smell her properly like this. He inhaled sharply, trying, but it only filled his lungs too fast and made him cough. Had he his normal vocal chords, he would've growled.

His nose almost felt stuffy, his ears plugged, his eyes straining. Ugh. It was like being sick.

The only thing he could actually hear somewhat _well_ was the sound of his voice, which sounded foreign and squeaky to the ears located on the sides of his head. He hated the new moon nights.

Before he had hated them because they made him weak- still the case, but in an entirely different way now.

He was weak _emotionally_ and that had never affected him half as much as it did now that a certain girl was around. The things that would come outta his mouth when she was around! It could make him nauseous. He rather just sit in the corner biting his tongue lest he embarrass himself... or worse, scare her away. He knew Kagome was all for the mushy stuff, but he still feared that he would screw it up somehow.

Whatever, he could manage to be just as brusque if he tried.

The reason he hesitated staying secluded was that the little miko felt like she had to protect him; practically magnetizing herself to his vicinity. Granted, all his powers were gone and her spiritual energy was not. She was brimming with power as always, but just because she retained all her powers did not make her less vulnerable than any other night. It was just that on his human nights... he couldn't protect her.

It seemed kinda logical for her to go to the other side of the well on those nights, but that usually wasn't an option when they were miles from the village. Again, she basically refused to leave him anyway. She'd drag him with her if she could.

What made it harder, on human nights and with emotions and... whatever, was that he didn't _want_ Kagome out of his sight. Usually she could be within hearing range, which wasn't very good now. Or even within smelling range, which was nearly non-existent now. To be within hearing range tonight she'd have to be within his general vicinity (and would need to speak normally), to be within sight she'd need to be in the same room, and to be within smelling range... well she'd need to be flush by his side. He'd put up with seeing range, but fucking _hell_. It was shitty not to smell her...

Inuyasha couldn't get her scent, couldn't define her little details, couldn't hear her stupid heartbeat or breathing with his awful, dull, human senses. He might have hated those reasons above the shame, above the fear and insecurity, above the weakness.

He hated being human because he couldn't _feel_ her, even when she was right there.

Did she have any idea how crappy that felt? _Not_ _feeling_?

He was absolutely torn on human nights between having her next to him just so he could get some peace of mind in knowing she was unharmed, and pushing her away lest his emotions betray him. It was all he could do to keep her at that certain distance that was close, but not _too_ close. He had her too close to him before and then he went all crazy (though he could blame that on poison and blood loss) and told her that she smelled nice. What the fuck? He hadn't planned on telling her that! That was supposed to be a to-the-grave secret!

Oh, not to _mention_ when he saw her flush naked over at that fake sage's place. He was all flustered and couldn't get her body out of his head, how relieved he felt and how breathtaking she had been. Again, maybe the blood loss, but that didn't change the fact that every other human night was filled with thoughts of her, words for her, longing for her.

The temporarily-human hanyou had a thought cross his mind. Roughly fifty years ago he had actually been planning to stay this way forever. Live half a life.

It was nights like this that reminded him how much he must have cared for Kikyou. If he was willing to live life in this sensory deprived, hell hole of an existence, then he really was willing to give her his life, wasn't he?

But then again, back then his sensory world wasn't really as... _focused _as it was now. He hadn't been addicted to a certain someone's scent like a drug, he hadn't had such a desperate need to hear a certain melodic voice, he hadn't been so aware of the details of a certain someone's features as he was now.

Since when did she become his world, his entire reason for living? That's right. She became his life. And he didn't owe that to anyone. Back then, fifty years ago when he had promised Kikyou everything, he didn't have Kagome.

But now he did, and being a human wasn't good enough.

The last thing he wanted was for her to see him this weak, too! Argh! _He_ protected her, and now _he_ was essentially useless. All he could do was basically toss his body around and use the weight to tackle something to the ground. No Tessaiga, no claws, nothing! His sheath still worked wonders, but with the youkai they crossed paths with, it wasn't enough for anything too dire.

No being able to smell out Kagome's location, no hearing subtle hints of contrary emotion in her voice, no seeing her features in the dark. It was stressful. It was empty.

She seemed to like him this way fine. It was more of a neutral acknowledgement, really. She didn't like him better this way. The only thing she really said about it was that she was glad to know because it meant he trusted her. Friends share secrets, blah, blah. Mushy nonsense. Whatever.

Inuyasha continued to stare into space, but took notice of the girl getting up and moving towards him.

Black hair mingled together as Kagome took her place sitting next to him. Her shoulder brushed his arm just slightly.

Close. She was closer now, and it put him at ease while unnerving him at the same time.

He bit back the urge to put his arm around her, yet no words to tell her to leave would form. Oh, he liked her there so much... Wait. Fuck. _Fucking human thoughts_.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, not really hiding the concern. At least that much was obvious. She was always concerned about him.

"Like shit," he replied bluntly, but honestly.

She bobbed her head in a short nod, "I see..." There was a slight pause and she moved away to look into violet eyes."I can go if you want to be left alone..."

He wanted to tell her to go away and let him be. He wanted to tell her to stay. "Keh. You do what you want. It's your decision."

With that said she was back leaning against his shoulder, relaxed. His thoughts drifted to the last new moon they spent together.

...

_They'd finally gotten back to the village to restock on supplies. Honestly, having human companions was such a drag. They tired out so easily and needed _food_ and _water_ and _shelter_ and whatever. He'd gone through most of his life scraping along! For god's sake, the monk had to have done some fasting or something! _

_No, never mind. Miroku was always the most aggressive in making sure they were comfortable beyond their means. How many expensive inns and headmen's homes had they stayed at because of his tricks? He could get pretty pouty when they were stuck in the forest for the night. _

_Shippou was the worst whiner by far though. Little brat didn't know how good he had it, all curled up with Kagome and digging through her backpack for treats all the time. When he was with his parents he lived in some cushy kitsune village. Spoiled kid didn't know what it was like to sleep alone in the trunk of a rotting tree or go weeks without a scrap of meat. _

_Sango dealt with their arrangements with minimal complaints. She was tough and she could handle sleeping on the ground, but even he noticed how she'd be in a much better mood when she got some rest indoors. Same with Kirara. _

_Kagome was a mixed bag. She complained about the forest sometimes, liked it other nights. She was absolutely ecstatic to sleep inside, but she'd leave feeling good too. She only ever got really complain-y when she was antsy to get home, checking her _cal-len-dahr_ notebook and mumbling stuff about school and test dates. She'd been that way for the past few days, and it grated on his nerves. Everyone else rallied behind her though, so off they went. _

_Fine. It was going to be a bad night no matter where they spent it. Even he could be a little relieved not to need to scramble to hide tonight. Still, waiting for the sun to set was irritating. He'd like to get this over with as soon as possible. _

_"Go home already, why don't you?" he said, annoyance covering up his question. _

_Kagome sat across from him in Kaede's hut studying. She only looked at him briefly before returning to her book. "Not tonight." _

_His eyebrow twitched. "You wouldn't shut up about it for days, so what are you sitting around here for?"_

_Without looking up she answered, "I told you, not tonight. I'll go home in the morning." She flipped a page. "What are you pushing me out the door for anyways? You never like it when I go." _

_"We're stuck here tonight regardless. The sooner you go, the sooner we can leave and get back on track." _

_"Tomorrow," she said with an air of finality. _

_Inuyasha shut up and sank further into himself, glaring at her for thinking she had won. What was her problem anyway?!_

_Just then she looked up and caught the angry look he was giving her. Instead of shooting him a glare or a face of annoyed indifference, her eyes softened. "The day's almost over anyways. It'll be morning soon enough, Inuyasha. I'll go then." _

_He didn't know if she was saying that to end the argument or if it meant something more reassuring... He couldn't help the gnawing feeling that it was the latter. She was going to stay for him, wasn't she?_

_He felt astonished, humbled, grateful, completely caught off guard by how thoughtful she was being for his sake. Soon his own pride morphed his feelings into something ugly. She wasn't worried about him. This was pity! As if he needed her to stay with him. As if he hadn't dealt with this almost all his fucking life! He would've said something, but he was still stunned by her words. Still confused over what they meant. That and he didn't want to start a fight when she was reading. That'd be a fool's error. _

_When the sun set after everyone had eaten, his transformation occurred as expected. Sango and Miroku were worn out from the past few battles and days of traveling while Shippou was exhausted after a fulfilling day of playing with the village kids. After a filling, hearty meal they were all asleep soundly. They always seemed to crash when they found time to relax and gather their bearings. _

_Not Kagome though. _

_Kagome sat herself near Inuyasha and had resumed cramming. It took an hour of intensive head-in-the-books studying before she sighed and closed it with a quiet snap of paper. He expected her to sleep then, especially if she was planning on leaving in the morning. Instead she stayed quiet, sat her legs up, and scooted herself closer to him. _

_God, this _was_ pity, wasn't it? _

_"I've been through the new moon plenty of times on my own, you know," he announced suddenly with a voice coated in bitterness. _

_Kagome seemed only a little surprised at his outburst, but she kept her eyes fixed on the low flame in front of them for a long time. He thought he won then. She had no retort because he was right. She should feel bad for trying to be so sympathetic. For treating him like a weak, pathetic child. Just who did she think she was? He'd spent hundreds of human nights without her! Like he needed her to stay with him now. Ever! Like he ever needed her to comfort him! _

_He didn't know how long it took her to speak, but he'd never forget when her hand was suddenly on his, what she said and how she sounded when she said it. _

_"I know. I know you did, and I'm so sorry." _

_She looked sad and pained, and so sincerely apologetic that he didn't know how to react. Was she really that sad for him? Not... pitying him? _

_All the nights he had been alone, scrounging to get cover and survive without a soul to talk to flashed in his mind. The first few times after his mother passed when he was still young, when he cried and shook for hours. The last time he cried and was found by a demon because of his small noises and the scent of tears. How he had sometimes gotten delirious from lack of sleep yet too terrified to close his eyes. Having too much pride to take advantage of his human form to beg for food. The few times he was just too desperate to refrain from that. _

_He had forgotten how lonely he used to feel back then... all those times before Kagome came along... _

_He wondered if she knew how painful they were. If that was why she was sorry. If that was why she had put off going home in order to be with him. Like she was making up for then, sorry she couldn't have been here for him earlier. _

_As he looked into her big, glassy eyes, he couldn't help but think that she must have meant it that way. She knew he had spent all those nights, _alone_. She was sorry and hurting because of_ his_ pain. _

_He swallowed a lump in his throat. A tightening in his chest made him pull her over closer to him. _

_"Just... stay til morning," he said quietly into her hair. _

_..._

Her scent hit his nose very subtly and while he hated that it wasn't as strong or defined as he was used to, he relished the sensation very much. It had only been a few hours and even the slightest whiff was infinitely reassuring.

Inuyasha bit down a million questions and words that were fighting to spill forth from his mouth_. _What did last time _mean_? Did she really feel that bad? Why had she stayed with him? Did she even understand what it meant to him? How could she?

He shook the thoughts from his mind as best as he could. For now he just wanted what he had last time, for her to stay with him.

She didn't need to be told to stay though. The girl would sit by his side all night and be there in the morning when the sun came up and ended the new moon's power over him. She would linger for a while, but once his powers were given back, she would eventually move away now that she didn't have to be so close for him to feel at ease.

Until then though, he was tense and suffering and oh so _mortal_. He hated it.


	2. Youkai

Written for Inuvember 2014 on tumblr. I made my own 30 Day Challenge, and this prompt was for Human, Demon, or Half-demon Inuyasha.

Warning: Blood and violence. Reference to possible sexual assault.

**Demon**

This way... was much different.

This need was much scarier, and had he his right mind, he would have been able to see the love drowning in fear in her beautiful, big eyes. His were icy blue against hot red. There was no warmth of honey and innocent white. It was sharp cold, scorching heat, deadly in both directions.

There were other ways to tell how scared Kagome was now, and he felt different about the fact that she was so clearly afraid of him. He picked up the signs and responded hungrily.

Blood rushing, heart frantic, eyes dilated, she was shaking. It was encouraging. He liked it. Claws flexed, body tense in anticipation, a growl that he barely registered as his own rumbled in his chest.

There were no kind words. There was no hesitation. The first instinct to kill was gone, but it was replaced with an equally predatory, '_Mine.'_

The neck he had wanted to wrap his fingers around until the life drained from her eyes became the column of skin he wished to sink his teeth into to mark her as his forever. Blood, which usually made him sick and dizzy, was now all he wanted. From what was around him, from her.

The person, the humanity, the real self underneath the surface was in despair and scared. He couldn't tell if he wanted to rip her to pieces or even..._ No!_ _Don't you fucking _dare _hurt her!_

Kagome's lip trembled, but the miniscule action only made the demon want her more. The urge to bite her mouth with his was overwhelming.

It was all Inuyasha could do to gain control of his vocals for one brief second to yell, "_Run!_"

It didn't use to be so hard to talk, but with every transformation he got less and less vocal. Less able to control the want to take action _now_ and talk later, if ever. Who's there to talk to when they're all dead anyways?

A feral growl tore through his throat and he lost control of his words once again. She was running, and he could only hold his body back for so long before his demon side took over once again. The chase excited _him _more, and Inuyasha was forced to watch his nightmares unfold before him.

He usually wasn't conscious during times like this, when his demon took over. He'd snap out of it and not remember a thing that happened. Today was different. Kagome had called out to him and he awoke, trapped inside his own head. His demon was stronger now, though. He couldn't overcome it as easily, couldn't rise to the surface and take control. It was like being trapped in his mind while his body moved on instinct.

_Run._

She ran.

He ran, pursuing her. Mind only on her.

She was such an easy target. She'd only stand a chance if she used her powers to purify him.

_Dammit Kagome, do it! _

For the second time she tried the old tactic. "Osuw-"

Tackle.

Her body was frail under his. The fall scratched her skin and he could smell her blood now. It overpowered her actual scent. The feelings only got stronger. Worse.

_Do it or else!_

Pin.

Kagome looked up at him. It was those eyes again. That pair of eyes looked at him with too many emotions, but he picked up fear above all the rest. It was the only one he cared about. Maybe the only one he could even recognize in this state. She looked like prey. She was. His.

_Kill me!_

Dominate.

She wouldn't do it, wouldn't hurt him. She was there, under him, frozen. If he could just regain control over himself, he would scream at her to do something. Save herself. Blast him into pieces with her powers! If she didn't and he went on, he'd wish himself dead anyways.

He continued to growl. It was a demanding noise, warning her against trying anything. His arms held her down while keeping himself up. The red fabric of his haori pooled around her like a puddle of blood. It looked so appealing as he hovered over her. Red eyes looked at her menacingly, possessively. He was angry that she ran from him.

The girl was crying, trying to catch her breath as the tears fell down her face, but her heart rate only increased. He could hear it pounding in his head. The humanity inside of him pained at the noise. It was too much. The outside world was being drowned out by the intensity of all his strengthened senses. Too much. It was way too much. He heard every wild thump of her heart, each panicked inhale and shaky exhale. _Too loud!_ Too awful...

From under him, Kagome continued to cry. Her tears leaked from both eyes into the black tangles of hair beneath her.

He could smell the fear, strong and overpowering.

Vaguely he heard her voice as she spoke to him desperately. Little whimpers and frantic sobs broke up her speech, but he could only register one thing. She was calling him.

He watched and read her lips intently as the sound of his name formed on her mouth. It made him want her more. _More._

She was begging him now for something. Whatever it was, he couldn't comprehend. The demon scoffed instead.

The deeper part of him only caught some of her words. In his mind, he called back to her just as desperately, and crumbled when she said,

_"Please, Inuyasha. Come back to me." _

The demon did not respond, but inside Inuyasha was breaking down. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to protect her, he wanted to shout at her to fucking _stop him_ at all costs.

His demon just wanted to bite her to get her to shut up. He wanted to feel her skin between his teeth and taste the sweet blood that already invaded his olfactory sense. The scent was overwhelming him, drugging him. _I don't want this!_

Inuyasha could feel everything, register everything that was Kagome, except her words. He could feel how every inch of her was swathed in terror, how the heat radiated from her body due to her panic and from the running she did earlier. The pounding in her chest just did not let up. She didn't know what to do.

Her usual "sit" tactic didn't work.

The demon remembered it from the last time and clamped her mouth shut the first attempt, flexing his claws as a threat, a warning, should she finish the word. The second time she had tried when she was running from him. She was too slow, so he lunged at her before she could say the whole thing. That's how they had gotten like this.

Kagome was a powerful girl. Despite all his teasing, he had confidence in her ability. He just wished that right now she would fucking use it to evaporate his ass before he did something awful. She could destroy him with her purity, with her light.

Instead she did the stupidest thing.

He stilled as he felt trembling warmth on his lips. She kissed him. The world was melting as she became everything. Stupid, wonderful, beautiful, sweet Kagome. The heat in him built up, the want became a constant stream in his blood. It was so much that he was nearly blinded, deaf to everything that was not her.

He forgot to breathe.

When she pulled away, he could only stare at her as the world bled back into existence around him. She was upset that it wasn't enough to snap him out of it, disappointed that the eyes looking back at her were still blue on red.

From inside, Inuyasha could see the fear ladened eyes build up with determination, the love shining through so brilliantly that it nearly burned. What was she...?

"Osuwari."

This time the demon was too confused, too shocked, too enamored with her to do anything about it.

His arms took most the the force. Even in his transformed state, the instinct to protect her was there. Soon his armed buckled and the leftover magic pulled him down on her, hard. It wasn't the full strength of the subjugation beads, but definitely enough to hurt a human girl.

Frantically he opened his eyes and fought the pain in his arms to lift himself from her as fast as possible. The heartbeat he heard was his own, racing suddenly from his worry. Where was hers?!

"Kagome!"

The marks on his face had vanished, claws retracted to their normal length. His eyes were normal; gold on white. Hers opened and he quickly searched them for the light of life, finding relief, joy, and that ever persistent _love_ all in the mix as well. He saw tears start to reform, and he felt her weak arms drape themselves around him. She was trying to comfort _him_.

He felt a rush of emotions so devastating that he felt as if he could have collapsed on her again. He closed eyes shut for a moment, squeezing out the barest hint of liquid. He put his head on her shoulder and breathed her scent in to calm his shot nerves. He exhaled her name in relief when he heard the sound of her heart slowing to a normal rate, the sound of her alive and well.

"Inuyasha... you're back. I'm so gla-"

He exhaled her name, and in less than a second she was completely gathered in his arms, sore as they were. He held her tightly enough, just slightly more pressure than he thought was best. He wouldn't let her know that he was ready to break down. If he kept breathing her in, kept holding her to him, the feelings would pass. The shaking that overtook his body betrayed such wishes. Kagome sat there patiently, wrapped up in him, smoothing her hands on his back as soothingly as she could manage, as if she hadn't been the one in a traumatic experience only minutes earlier.

When he finally felt like he was a semblance of himself again, he pulled away to inspect her body. Blood seeped from scratches, but nothing looked out of place. The bruises, he knew, would come later. They would stay with her as nasty reminders of what she had been through, what _he_ had put her through.

"Are you alright?" she asked, beating him to the question.

He was taken aback for a moment by her concern, but by now he was too himself to let it show just how much of a wreck he was inside. He didn't want to answer. "Never mind me. How are you? Did I..." Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck. _Just the thought sent him reeling back, unable to take in a breath.

"I'm fine," she said solidly. She was the steady ground that he needed right now, bringing him back to the present moment. "What we need to do is go back and get Tessaiga."

Inuyasha immediately felt pissed off. "Don't try to pass off your injuries like that. Does it hurt anywhere?"

Kagome pursed her lips and steeled herself. "I told you I'm fine, and you didn't answer me." If anyone was trying to brush something aside, it was him. He knew it, but she didn't push. This wasn't the sort of thing she wanted to argue about.

Too bad. He could use an argument with her to feel like he was back to normal. "You are not. This is the kind of shit that happens when you stick around me."

For an instant, she didn't know what to say. She just took it in like a hit to the gut. In the next second she was clenching her fist in determination. "This is the kind of _thing_ that happens when you lose Tessaiga in the middle of saving my life."

He was a disaster and she could see the storm that had overtaken his eyes when he didn't fight back.

Gently, and with more affection than he ever deserved from her, Kagome took his crestfallen face into her hands and forced him to look at her.

"Everything is okay now."

Inuyasha was still tormented. He remembered the way he had chased her, tackled her, hungered for her in a way that was dark and twisted. She must have known that he wasn't trying to kill her... that his demon was trying to _own_ her, but like the merciful saint she was, she didn't bring it up. His demon would have done horrific things to her, and he would have been unable to do anything but watch. It was only because of Kagome that he was able to come to. Because she kis-

His hands shoved hers away and he glared up at her, angry at how much she loved him.

"You're okay this time, but the next time you ain't gonna be so lucky! It only gets worse every time, you idiot. Whenever it happens next I don't know if either of us are gonna be able to stop it. That's why you should stay away from me, Kagome. Next time I transform I... I don't want you to be anywhere near me."

Instead of his face, she rested her hands on his shoulders. The look in her eyes was all worry and affection and understanding and sympathy. How could he ever be worthy of that?

"I told you that I'm staying by your side, Inuyasha. I just need you to keep coming back to mine."

Completely worn, emotionally and physically, he let himself rest his head on her shoulder. He didn't care right now if it made him seem weak. He was, apparently. Too weak to control himself. Too weak to push her away to stay safe from him. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. She was the only thing solid in his world; the one thing that kept him grounded.

Kagome held him lightly, pouring every ounce of comfort into the gesture. His arms felt too pained to do much, but they managed to wrap themselves around her and pull her to him.

He was completely disgusted with himself, with his inability to control his demon. He remembered, for once, the details of it all. How desire for the girl had shot through his body, overtook his senses and left him an unrestrained monster after her.

And though, not so long ago he craved for the power of a full-fledged demon, he had never thought this was the price it would come at.

Inuyasha despised the way he felt, the way he acted. It was all too much. There was no thinking, just doing. Harsh reactions, violent, careless ones. Sure, he was stronger, but what the fuck did it matter if he ended up _hurting_ people more than helping?

Maybe before he didn't care who he hurt, because no one had given a damn about him. Becoming a demon out for himself would have been fine...

Who was he kidding? What was the fucking use of being a full demon if he turned his claws on the one girl that he _swore_ he would protect?

Desperately, with the small amount of strength he had in his exhausted body, he tightened his hold on Kagome. Bowed into her shoulder, he whispered an apology that he wished he could say louder. He never meant to hurt her.

He never wanted that.

He hated it.


	3. Hanyou

Written for Inuvember 2014 on tumblr. I made my own 30 Day Challenge, and this prompt was for Human, Demon, or Half-demon Inuyasha.

**Hanyou**

From across the room, Kagome sat over a pot of water, patiently waiting for it to boil while Inuyasha _impatiently_ waited for ramen. He had been staring into space when he got the feeling he was being watched. He turned his face and his eyes flashed over to the girl, quickly catching her avert her gaze, an innocent expression on her face.

_As if_, he thought with narrowed eyes and a hint of embarrassment.

Sometimes Kagome stared at him for longer than he felt comfortable, and when he snapped to ask her why, she'd simply turn her head and dismiss him, so he kept quiet this time. It was a fucking annoying habit of hers, and even more than that, it was confusing to him.

But sometimes, he realized, he was quite guilty of doing the same thing. The main difference was that she didn't notice, especially because he often put some vertical (and/or horizontal) distance between them before indulging in such an act.

The other difference was that she was a gorgeous, perfect young woman, and he was a freak.

He knew that at a first glance he couldn't be mistaken for a normal human being; not by a long shot. If his long silver hair didn't make him stick out like a sore thumb amongst humans, his ears gave away his half-demon status. His eyes never bothered him much; they were probably the least startling thing about him. He also had these scrappy claws and small fangs.

Inuyasha didn't exactly _act_ the same as anyone else either. His ears would twitch and swivel around, his nose would scrunch up and tug. The noises that emanated from his throat sounded like varied growls.

He had never been all that normal, and despite the fact that he was _used_ to being the way he was, he couldn't help the self-consciousness that lingered in his mind about just how _abnormal_ he was.

The hanyou _hated_ being a human though. He rather be a half-demon than one of those pathetic creatures. Yet somehow, fifty years ago, a woman had convinced him to stay one permanently. To this day he felt relieved that he never did get to go through with the deal, but he mourned the cost. Honestly, he would have turned into a human for Kikyou to make her happy, and to free her from her duties as the protector of the jewel. At the time he had convinced himself that the sacrifice was noble; he'd get used to it and maybe not hate it so much given time. Plus he wouldn't be alone, and the prospect of living with the miko seemed to outweigh his malcontent.

What he wanted was to become a full demon. He couldn't fathom the power. He just wanted it, after years of an existence that comprised of barely scraping by.

With youkai power would come greater strength and speed, longer smelling and hearing ranges, better intuition and instincts. What part of that didn't sound appealing?

Now that he had a gang of people surrounding him, he just wished he could get a little fucking support for, you know, his lifelong dream? That's what friends did, support each other! Or so a certain little miko had once told him.

He sighed mentally. The thought of becoming a real daiyoukai used to be a high pitched note that constantly drove him forward, but had overtime become a dull sound somewhere in the back of his mind. A certain girl's voice, calling his name, had replaced it at the forefront. Her and her laughter, her crying, her shrillness as she screeched at him in anger, her sweetness at every utterance of his name in concern.

The way his ears picked up on her was astounding. He heard the little dips in her tone and the shakiness or steadiness like no other. There was the tremble of her sadness, the growl that sent warning bells through his system, and the ringing joy that reverberated through his entire being. It was different than the way he sensed anyone else. He could pick up on Sango's emotions just barely, and Miroku was basically a mystery. It was only Kagome.

The same went for her scent. He could pick up on just about anyone's smell in an instant. Miroku, Sango, Shippou, he could smell them all and recognize it immediately. It was like identifying colors or faces. It just came to him naturally. The way he could pick up on his brother or Naraku or Kikyou was practically instantaneous also. His gut instinct sent him into overdrive. Kagome's scent did something remarkably similar, yet completely opposite at the same time. The moment he caught wind of her, his whole body relaxed. Or, maybe that was the wrong way to phrase it, since half of the time he needed to scent her in order to save her. It wasn't that he was necessarily _calmed_, but more that everything felt better in that moment. Breathing her in became something so natural in his life, that Inuyasha could only describe it as feeling _right. _It was as if, in a way, she was air to him. Without her scent around him, he felt off.

It was strange to him that other people couldn't pick up on her scent the way he could. God knows it was impossible for any human, but Shippou was a kitsune and didn't have the same nose. The Ookami could probably scent out Kagome, but Inuyasha was convinced that the wolf couldn't do it as well as he could. Sesshoumaru was the only being he could think of that had a better sense of smell than him, but when his older brother caught wind of Kagome, it didn't mean anything to him, did it?

It was a special sensation, just for him.

Inuyasha couldn't help thinking that everything she did was special to him.

She didn't talk to anyone else the way she talked to him. His name from her mouth had fallen a million different ways, and he knew each of those calls by heart. He knew when to come running to her, and the tone that told him to run_ away_ as fast as he could.

Man, that girl had an _attitude_. Moody, too! But he supposed, that's the way they were both wired. He was rough and arrogant, and her response was snappy and tart. She met his resistance with a pesky persistence, and met his guardedness with her patience.

They could match each other in temper, practically battling each other with the fires of their own rage.

But she was the only one who could calm him down, lift him up. Whenever he was in the dirt, Kagome was the one, not only telling him to get up, but cheering him on. She made him believe in himself.

She said she wanted to stay with him, and she always was. Kagome was there during his toughest battles, waking him up, backing him up, cheering him on, moving him forward, grounding him to sanity when he lost himself. She was there for his victories, at his all-time highs, beaming with pride, with joy, with relief and admiration. She was there in the aftermath, when he was testy, when he was hurt, when he was frustrated and at his worst.

They worked together so well.

And because she did those things, because they were such a good match, sometimes he convinced himself to be okay with those feelings. That affection he held for her.

"It's ready," Kagome announced rather quietly as she prepared his bowl of noodles.

"Bout time," he complained.

She gave him a look that told him to be quiet, so he lowered his head a little. It wasn't like it was Kagome's job or anything to make him food. It was ramen that was specifically a Kagome task. He prepared plenty of meals that involved animals. Lord knows how the girl hated dealing with any food that could walk. When it came to ramen though, he just didn't have the patience for it at all. He'd dump the water in before it was hot enough, and start devouring the stuff before it had any time to soften. When Kagome prepared the packaged noodles, they always came out perfect. Well, as long as it wasn't _him_ making them, they were usually good.

Though he didn't show it in a humble manner, he gratefully took the bowl that Kagome handed him, and before she could tell him, "Careful, it's hot," he was already shoving it into his mouth. It didn't burn though, and he suspected that Kagome knew what she was doing. She let the water cool down just a little so he could consume his favorite food as soon as it was given to him without the worry of scalding his sensitive tongue.

Kagome was perfect for him, he had to admit. No, not just that. She was too good for him by a long shot.

And despite how he felt that he could never be worthy of her, she was the single person that constantly made him feel like maybe he was. She built him up.

She was always saying these things- rosy, supportive, warm, enthusiastic, encouraging things that flustered him. How cute his ears were (_S-shut up), _how much she liked the color of his eyes (_W-why? That's stupid), _how he made her feel safe, how she knew she could trust him, how he was so strong, how she knew he was a good person...

And how could you miss the way her eyes lit up when she saw him? That _look. _There was that one that told him that she was so proud. He would do everything in his power to get her to give him that expression. Then there was another... this sort of fascination he saw from afar many times, but only a few times close up. It was as if... she was amazed by him. Surprised, in a way, but more in awe.

One of his favorites was that face she'd make right after he did something, ugh, so embarrassing. Pink dusting her cheeks after he let his feelings slip. It was the smile afterwards- this bashful, happy little thing. To think he could make her feel that way. It made it so that it was practically undeniable that he had done something good. That she liked it... that she liked _him_, in some way or another.

She had this ability to do something to him. She would grab his hand and smile at him, and then in that moment he would feel like he was good... like the world was a lighter place, and like he deserved happiness.

That was it, wasn't it? In the simplest words he could possibly string together.

Kagome made him happy...

He was happy! For once in his life...

Kagome made him glad that he had these abnormal, twitching, dog ears. He was glad to have them to hear her. He was glad to have them for her own delighted fascination. He was happy with his freakish gold eyes- the ones that could make out her form in the dark; the ones that she stared straight into whenever they talked to each other. He liked the inhuman silver hair that Kagome marveled over as she brushed it. He even liked the deadly claws at his fingertips that used to be to protect himself, but were now for the girl who was never _ever_ afraid to hold his hands.

Maybe he couldn't yet grasp just why she thought so highly of him, couldn't understand just why she loved him so earnestly.

He wanted to grip her shoulders and shake the answer out of her, maybe put some sense into her. _You know I'm a freak, don't you?! You're not supposed to like me! I'm a hanyou!_

But she made it so very apparent that she _did_ know that. She knew what he was, she _loved_ him as he was: as Inuyasha, the half-demon.

"Good?" she asked, knowing very well that he was extremely satisfied after several helpings. She stood up and held out her hand for him to give the bowl to her for rinsing out.

"Yeah!" He replied enthusiastically as she took it from him. He didn't even hide how gleeful the food made him. "Ramen is really the best." His grin was unabashed.

In that moment, he caught her do it again. Staring. A lingering, pleased look on her face. Before he could bring it up in a huff, she quickly changed expressions. It suddenly dawned on the hanyou that he should say something. Quickly, before she left!

"Kagome!" he caught her by the edge of her shirt.

Her head tilted questioningly.

He wanted to say a lot of things. He wanted to tell her that he appreciated the meal and, well, everything else she always did for him. All those things were too much though, too heavy.

She could sense his reluctance, and like the wonderful everything she was, met him with kind, urging eyes and encouragement. "Yes, Inuyasha?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I really liked it. T-thanks."

"Well, I know it's your favorite." She didn't make a big deal out of him expressing his gratitude, though it did mildly surprise her. She always appreciated the rare verbal thanks, but she could sense when he was being grateful. "You're welcome."

"Do you need help with cleaning?"

Kagome scrunched up her lips to think.

"That'd be nice. You know the pot's a little heavy for me. Might as well take it down to get washed too instead of letting it sit overnight. It'll just be harder to clean in the morning."

He nodded and grabbed it, completely unfazed by the retained heat or the weight.

Kagome sent him a pleasant smile before they left the room together.

"It's already late out, why don't you get on my back and I'll run us over to the river? It'll be faster." Never mind that she'd been walking on her feet all day and was exhausted. As if he noticed how she rubbed her heels as she sat down.

"That's a good idea," she agreed.

"Just put the bowls in the pot too, and hold on."

She did so and climbed on his back with routine ease. Within a few minutes, they were at the riverside, with the moon shining above them as their light. It was a warm night, and the cool water felt good.

"We got here so fast, it's amazing," the girl commented as she began rinsing the dishes.

He scoffed. "What's so amazing? You know I can run fast."

Her lips curved up slightly, but she continued to look down at her task. "You can run fast, you can see well in the dark, you can hear all the night sounds and smell all the night scents. It's kind of amazing all around."

He blushed, very happy that she wasn't staring at him now, and that if she was, it was dark out.

"Keh!" There she went again, with those words of hers. Thoughtless sentiments that sent his heart racing. He quickly dunked the pot in and scrubbed it carelessly. "There. Done." He refused to look at her. If he did, he might end up saying something really dumb. "Let's go," he said as he shoved the pot towards her so that she could place the bowls back inside.

After she put them in there, she turned her head up. "You can just carry those with one arm, right? No problem?"

Inuyasha frowned, confused. "Of course I can." Tessaiga weighed ten times heavier in its transformed state, and he could lift that with one hand _and_ swing it with ease.

"Perfect," she chirped and grabbed at his free hand. Before he could question her or berate her for what was a waste of time, she was already leading him back on the path to the hut.

A slight breeze drifted her scent to his nose, and instantly calmed him down. He felt her hand, warm around his. He heard her footsteps against the dirt ground. In the dark, he could still see all her details.

Before she could stumble on a root, he yanked her back with little force. Just enough to stop her. "I-I'll lead, dummy. If you want to go about this slow, then at least don't trip us up."

So she stuck to his side instead, fully trusting him to lead her. "Sorry. I just enjoy being with you like this," she confided quietly. "'Is it okay?"

He grunted a little, unconsciously slowing down and holding her hand tighter.

"Yeah... I like it too."


End file.
